Heart and Soul: August 2012

I decided to blog tonight as a way to de-stress and take my mind off the chaos that was today. It wasn't the worst of worsts but I was very overwhelmed with our curriculum and feeling incapable of teaching my kids ALL they need to know to close the achievement gap (TFA puts a lot of pressure on us not to just be exceptional teachers but to be TRANSFORMATIONAL as that is what most of our kids need). I know it is only week 3 and it will come but some days it just gets frustrating. Thankfully, I know the ONE who IS capable of all things and who will give me the strength each and every day to be the teacher that my kids need.

I also wanted to reflect on some thoughts I had this weekend. Friday night, I went to our high school football game. There are about 4,000 people in Hazlehurst and I'm pretty sure every single one of them was at A high school football game. Notice, I did not say OUR football game because all of the wealthy families were at the Copiah Academy game and not Hazlehurst. While at the game, I realized why my children act the way they do. I realize why they are so mean to one another and why they hit each other and why they call each other ugly names. They do this because it is what they see around them and the environment they have lived in their entire lives. It was so heartbreaking; I was faced with the reality that I had been trying to avoid all along: I am not here to teach my kids reading and writing and math. I am not even here to teach them how to get along with one another. I am here to LOVE and to LOVE unconditionally.

Reflecting on the environment that my kids live in, I was reminded of Rob Bell's book, "Jesus Wants to Save Christians". Throughout the book, he summarizes the actions of the Israelites and how God delivers them and commands them to keep his commandments but then what do they do...they turn right around and begin doing the exact thing the Lord had delivered them from. It is almost like a cycle where the Lord delivers them, tells them to obey, then turn the page and they are doing wicked things and disobeying God, but God continues to love them and have mercy on them. He never gives up and continues to pour out his love even when they seemed unlovable. And the same is true towards us today. We all screw up and become self-righteous and sometimes we even think we have done something unforgivable. But the Lord is merciful and loves us so much that he is always there with open arms. Some days, I feel like I cannot love my kids. At various moments throughout the day, I want to leave and let them fend for themselves and if they kill each other, oh well! But then I am reminded of the Lord's never ending love for us. And how undeserving we are. My kids need LOVE. And for many of them, I might be their only source of love. I know that it will be a challenge and there will be days that I might not know HOW to love them. But those are the times I am especially thankful for Christ in me. The only way I can teach them is if I love them and hopefully through my example, they will learn to love one another as well. The most important thing I cannot forget is that EVERY ounce of my love comes from the love of the FATHER.

Now I'm off to lesson plan and get everything ready for tomorrow. Oh, and also figure out my grad school classes as those officially started today! YIKES! Please pray that I would love each and every one of my students whole-heartedly each and every day with love that only comes from above. Pray also that they would be receptive of my love. I'll leave you with "A Teacher's Prayer". My housemate, Angie gave a copy of it to me right as school was starting and I need to write it on my clipboard so that I can be reminded of it constantly throughout the day!

A Teacher's Prayer

Lord, let me be just what they need.
If they need someone to trust, let me be trustworthy.
If they need sympathy, let me sympathize.
If they need love, (and they do need love), let me love, in full measure.
Let me not anger easily, Lord but let me be just.
Permit my justice to be tempered in your mercy.
When I stand before them, Lord, let me look strong and good and honest and loving.
And let me be as strong and good and honest and loving as I look to them.
Help me to counsel the anxious, crack the covering of the shy, temper the
rambunctious with a gentle attitude.
Permit me to teach only the truth.
Help me to inspire them so that learning will not cease at the classroom door.
Let the lessons they learn make their lives fruitful and happy.
And, Lord, let me bring them to You.
Teach them through me to love You.

Finally, permit me to learn the lessons they teach.

Chaos- a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.

Chaos is the word that came to mind to describe the last two and a half weeks. It has been a whirlwind of moving into a new house (after living out my car and sleeping on Jenna and Amber's floor for 5 days while they were fixing up the house), spending WAY too much money, cleaning and setting up my classroom, and attending training after training. Some of those trainings included ReadWell for 2nd grade (p.s. I'm teaching 3rd grade), Positive Behavior Intervention Systems, district/state policies, SmartBoard, and Common Core Math curriculum. O yeah, and at some point in there, I was preparing for the first day of school. I prepared for the first day but then kinda forgot about the rest of the week until Monday night when I had no idea what I was going to do on Tuesday! Talk about learning a lesson. I'm hoping to plan for the next TWO weeks over the course of this weekend.

I made it though. I survived my first week as a teacher. And I only wondered what I had gotten myself into four or five times throughout the week! Ha ha! It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be but I also have no doubt in my mind that it is what I was born to do. I love every single one of my 24 students (even the one that threw a chair on the first day...she's my mission this year and each day has gotten a little better). We did a lot of culture building this week and I am SO ready to really get into the content next week. We have so much to do and learn this year in order to reach our big goals and conquer mountains! I'm including some pictures (my mom actually took all of them) of both my classroom and our house. Big shout out to my parents for driving over last weekend to bring my stuff and help me finish up my classroom. Also HUGE thanks to Angie's parents! They were here all last week and it was such a blessing to not have to worry about dinner or organizing the house or our plumbing issue. They really took care of us and allowed us both to solely focus on school. Thank you Lord for putting so many incredible people in my life.